Monday, January 16, 2012

back to the sunshine

"you get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place..like you'll not only miss the people you love..but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place..because you'll never be this way ever again" azar nafisi

i've been back in NOLA (and soaking up the sunshine) for well over a week now..and it is as if i never left...as if my christmas break at home was merely a dream..it's hard for me to grasp this in many ways..i had the pleasure of spending time with a lot of  my family and friends..got back in the saddle (finally)..enjoyed some delicious home cooked meals (thanks mom)..had a chance to see some snow (brr)..got a much needed haircut (i am a repunzle no longer)..and brought in the new year with some of my favorite people..all in all it was a wonderful trip...
                     

however..i found it hard to adjust being home at first..i wasn't sure if i had changed in some ways that made it difficult for me to comfortably slide back into my life before new orleans..and when i got down to it..i don't really know if i wanted it to be an easy transition..see i specifically remember before i left for my yav year that i was in many ways nervous about change...not necessarily change in my enviornment or what i would encounter here but what this year would change in me...i knew for certain i wanted to grow as a person and in my faith..but what if that meant i did so much that i didn't recognize my "previous life" when i returned? and on the other end of things i was also nervous if i wasn't changed by this experience...contradictory? yes..and that left me trying to balance it all..

but that balancing act is tiring and after much deliberation and analyzing my trip home i am a bit tired of all that type of thinking so i am hoping to just embrace all that is happening..good and bad..put more trust into god and what he is doing with my life..

"our relationship with jesus is messy..intimate..and beautiful all at the same time..often he takes us on these dangerous adventures just to strip everything else away but himself..from there he'll show us that he is writing a bigger and far more beautiful story than we could have ever imagined" paige armstrong

peace & love
jillian

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