life lately

a few things have changed within the last few weeks here in new orleans...

at mid-city ministries we just finished up our 3 week summer camp with the kids...for many months we got together to talk and plan and now i understand what all the excitement was about...we were lucky enough to have about 70 kids involved this year...the kids enjoyed going on field trips..learning about the parables..rehearsing and performing a play..dabbling in art projects..and learning all about cells and the digestive system..all the while brushing up on their math and reading skills..

camp showed me many things...how excited i was to wake up in the morning to pick up some of the kids and drive to work..it showed me just how very special these kids are..they have found a permanent place in my heart and i will miss them immensely..and finally how grateful i am to be a part of mid city ministries since it has such a wonderful way of impacting kid's lives along with mine.. 

we also moved into a new house...and i can say i am completely and utterly jealous of the new yavs coming to new orleans for this upcoming term...just in these few short weeks i have grown quite accustomed to seeing streetcars pass by as i stroll over to rue de la course for an iced coffee..it's a great part of town and i will be sad to say goodbye to it..

also i would like to ask that you keep my roommates in your thoughts and prayers..a few have returned home due to deaths in their families..they mean the world to me and have touched my heart  and changed my life..they are in good hands with god..but a few extra prayers are always welcome

time has a way of slipping by...especially when i find myself busy...so i hope to hold onto what little time i have in nola..

peace & love

jillian

thank you

it is part of my responsibility this year as a new orleans yav to raise 6,500 dollars..and as my yav year draws to a close i have thankfully raised over 4,000 dollars from gracious individuals and fpc of greensburg..as i try to raise the remainder of my responsibility i would like to ask you to forward my blog to your friends and anyone who might be interested in the service work i am doing....this is tough for me to ask because i already feel so blessed for all of the contributions already donated and all of the thoughts..prayers and support i have received this year..i can't say thank you enough..


not many things have been so clear to me this year as to how the people in my life continue to surprise and astound me with their graciousness...and i am filled with appreciation..

if you would like to help me with my fundraising (note: the address has changed)

 checks can be made out of the Presbytery of South Louisiana with my name in the memo  
 line and sent to the following address:
    Kathy Lee
    YAV Coordinator
    Presbytery of South Louisiana
    2221 Filmore Ave.
    New Orleans, LA 70122

"my friends remind me..by their steadfastness that truth..beauty..and goodness exist in the world..and that no matter what..there are and always will be people..loving people through thick and thin" dawn marie carr

peace & love

jillian

things that give me hope...aka things that feed my soul

i have been wanting to write a new post for sometime now.. but i've been feeling a bit blue lately and it's been hard to wrangle my thoughts together..this happens about the time when i feel overwhelmed by the world..by the weight of suffering others feel..by the ever growing brokenness..and while i feel it is important to express all feelings..not just happy ones..i felt the need to have some sort of hope to share..

i find that i get a lump in my throat constantly..the one where you know if you pay it the slightest bit of attention tears will instantly spill over..certain things easily set it off..like the seemingly endless sight of people i pass on a daily basis that are living on the streets...the never ending updates of shootings and violence in the city...at church listening to a sermon where i feel both convicted and held back by my human tendency to stray....and then a numbing feeling will sweep in and i'll be fine..i'll be able to continue with my work and every day things but along with losing that gut wrenching sadness in my throat i also lose the feeling of passion in my work for the time being..


and when this happens...these are things that nourish my aching soul..things that i lean on..

the sunlight that lingers heavy into the evenings

opening the mail box and knowing immediately just by the handwriting a lovely friend has sent a card

books that take me into another world..one where light shines in..one where i am uplifted

books that unveil dark places in the world..the fact that there is someone that feels passionately enough to spend their precious time writing and caring about something that needs awareness and change..

lyrics by an artist a seafarer once shared..that have a way of soothing my thoughts..

my roommates..they are ever reminders that there are others in the world with the same drive to serve others and  in turn share many of my struggles..

the beauty in the city that is never far from my reach 

praying and pleading with god at the end of a tough day and feeling the weight being lifted...the peace settling in and him telling you to rest your eyes...for he has it all figured out

"compassion hurts..when you feel connected to everything..you also feel responsible for everything..and you cannot turn away..your destiny is bound with the destinies of others..you must either learn to carry the universe or be crushed by it..you must grow strong enough to love the world..yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors" andrew boyd

peace & love
jillian

yav video

recently our site coordinator put together a little video about the yav program..if you can find an extra ten minutes in your day i encourage you to check it out..

YAV Program New Orleans 2011-2012

"and once you live a good story..you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life..and you can't go back to being normal..you can't go back to meaningless scenes together by the forgettable thread of wasted time" donald miller a million miles in a thousand years

peace & love

jillian

gratitude continued

like i said in my previous post the word gratitude has been appearing in all regions of my life recently..my good friend kate surprised me by sending a book in the mail...it came at the perfect time when i was having a particularly disheartening day..the title of the book is 'the gifts of imperfection' by brene brown..if you haven't heard of her before i highly suggest you check out her two ted talks 'the power of vulnerability' and 'listening to shame' and this book if you like the looks of the excerpts i've used..

within her book there is a chapter titled 'cultivating gratitude and joy'...the author explains that she found through her many years of research that these two concepts emerged together consistently..she encountered these three powerful patterns with the relationship between gratitude and joy

"-without exception..every person i interviewed who described living a joyful life or who described themselves as joyful, actively practiced gratitude and attributed their joyfulness to their gratitude practice

-both joy and gratitude were described as spiritual practices that were bound to a belief in human interconnectdeness and a power greater than us

-people were quick to point out the differences between happiness and joy as the difference between a human emotion that's connected to circumstances and a spiritual way of engaging with the world that's connected to practicing gratitude"

as part of my gratitude practice like a lot of people these days i take the time at the end of the day to write down three things or experiences where i felt joy throughout my day...some days it's easier than others..but it reminds me of all that i have to be thankful for..i also try to take time throughout the day to repeat a quote that i have used as a prayer to keep me centered and intentional with my life..

"be with me in my silence and in my speech..in my haste and in my leisure..in company and in solitude..in the freshness of the morning and in the weariness of the evening..and give me grace of all times to rejoice in thy mysterious companionship" john baille

i have always cherished this poem and when it comes to gratitude the end really stands out to me...'and give me grace of all times to rejoice in thy mysterious companionship' because when i take a breath in my day and recite this poem out loud or in my mind the amount of appreciation i feel for this mysterious companionship i have with god is remarkable..and i'm flooded with gratitude

                 

later in the chapter brene speaks about the difference between happiness and joy

"anne robertson, a methodist pastor, writer, and executive director of massachusetts bible society, explains how the greek origins of the words happiness and joy hold important meaning for us today. she explains that the greek word for happiness is makarious, which was used to describe the freedom of the rich from normal cares and worries, or to describe a person who recieved some form of good fortune, such as money or health. robertson compares this to the greek word for joy which is chairo. chairo was described by the ancient greeks as 'the culmination of being' and the 'good mood of the soul' robertson writes 'chairo is something, the ancient greeks tell us, that is found only in god and comes with virtue and wisdom. it isn't a beginner's virtue; it comes as the culmination. they say its opposite is not sadness, but fear"

these are two things i can say that have been very obvious in my year here in new orleans..both joy and gratitude were and continue to be major aspects in my daily life..not until i read this chapter devoted entirely to both was i able to grasp that this is what has made my year most meaningful..yes i've been plenty happy here but that is often linked to external influences...it goes much deeper than that..i've been joyful and felt much gratitude towards my life and more importantly to god throughout this year..it's by my intentional efforts to seek god through my day and take a step back and appreciate life..this isn't always an easy effort but it is one that makes my life fulfilling..

peace & love

jillian

gratitude in pictures

in the past few months i've followed a photo challenge..i was to take a picture that represented the word/s to me..this one in particular's overall goal was gratitude..


while doing this little challenge i kept the word gratitude in my mind..and in the last week it's been appearing over and over..in books and blogs i've been reading..in conversations i've had with friends and roommates..and when this reappearance of a concept or a word happens..i get a feeling there must be some deeper meaning to it...so with that realization..here are pictures (all but a few were captured in nola) displaying gratitude...

#1 favorite treat: ah the delightfully delicious beignets from cafe du monde

#2 smile: i acquired this business card that says "god you have a beautiful smile" pretty uplifting don't you think? i've noticed a lot of new orleanians have unique business cards

#3 happiness: enjoying one of the many mardi gras parades

#4 leaves: my realization i would not actually miss out on autumn leaves...they would just appear in january

#5 morning sky: the constant sunny sky here always brings beauty to the day

#6 book: reading on the beach is one of my favorite things..what am i reading right now? 'class matters' a sociology book our community is reading together

#7 something funny: teaching my kiddos i tutor how to play go fish..they were very secretive about their cards

#8 inspiring person: my site coordinator..kathy lee with her sidekick thomas

#9 nature

#10 something old: yes i do still have a beloved stuffed animal that traveled to nola with me this year

#11 hands

#12 written word: one of my many books i write quotes in

#13 movement 

#14 animal: i found a hoof print in audubon park where people are able to trail ride...oh how i miss having horses in my life

#15 memories

#16 something new: tutoring graduation was just this past week so i'm going to be missing having those children in my life on a constant basis

#17 best friend: my sister..lauren..who never fails to be all that i could have ever wanted for a sister and best friend

#18 seasonal: since there are hardly four distinct seasons in new orleans..i choose mardi gras season as my favorite 

#19 gratitude: for all that i have learned while living here

#20 artwork: jon cleary..my absolute favorite blues musician

#21 transportation: a mardi gras float shaped as a street car

#22 daily routine: my musings tumblr which if you are in mood for some quotes and more photos check out  www.musingsbyjem.tumblr.com

#23 night time: our view from our balcony where we witness some beautiful sunsets

#24 light: my roommate ashley and i..yes the sunlight played a role in this but she also brings quite a bunch of light and joy into my life

#25 self portrait: thomas makes another appearance with this picture of me..say cheese!

if you enjoyed this blog..be on the look out in the next few days with my continued thoughts on gratitude..

"count your blessings..once you realize how valuable you are..and how much you have going for you.. the smiles will return..the sun will break out..the music will play..and you will finally be able to move forward the life that god intended for you with grace..strength..courage..and confidence" 

og mandino

peace & love

jillian

reflections from 4512 s. derbigny st.

as part of a community we have put together a newsletter reflecting on our time serving in new orleans...the following is my share..but i encourage you to click on the link below to also check out what my lovely roommates have to say.. http://pslyav.wordpress.com/

i am already halfway through my service year..or less than halfway to go for those pessimists out there..and what have i stumbled upon during these months in new orleans as a yav? too many sights..lessons..and experiences for me to count no doubt..but overall my experience this year has been all about linking..linking people..ideas..concepts..cultures..together

i strive to be a positive influence and role model for the children i serve with the hopes that they will make smart and healthy choices as they group up..i hope that some of my work will inspire those who i serve and possibly create a chain reaction that motivates others and even though i could be getting ahead of myself here..but one of my biggest hopes is to have an effect on the broader conflicts in the city and even our country..maybe by just giving my time and attention to the children i work with they will see that they matter to someone and in the long run maybe this will give them a positive outlook on life and themselves..which could link to reducing their likelihood of getting into crime..yes i realize this is a bit of a stretch..but i am quite the optimist and this is what gives me a flake of hope when i feel like i am trudging along without a lot of instant gratification..i link the small things that i do on a daily basis to what could be in the future..to link their reality with their potential..

while working with the seafarers i am provided a face with many of the social justice issues and global issues that are occurring in our world..i am able to have a first hand account as to the fact that the decisions i make on a daily basis have an impact on those all around the world..it makes a very personal place in my heart to fight for these issues and provides me with a little bit more passion in my convictions..

i've learned that making a personal connection..that link..makes quite the difference..it gives one hope and passion..it bridges the gap literally and figuratively on who and how we help..and helps us realize it is christ who brings us together for a greater purpose..

"be a lamp..a lifeboat..a ladder..help someone's soul heal..walk out of your house like a shepherd" mevlana rumi

peace & love

jillian

paths

as a community we spent our spring retreat in mississippi taking to the woods..and i must say my soul was elated..as if i had unleashed it allowing it to run full speed around all of the green we were surrounded with..fully open to soak up all the goodness around me..

it's funny what a difference a few days in nature makes...away from technology..sirens..even the sight of pavement..when i'm thrown into the thick of it i find that it's in my second nature to take in all of god's creation..it always becomes blatently obvious that life is breathtaking when you slow down a bit to appreciate it..so while we were enjoying each others company and the great outdoors we were encouraged to spend time meditating on the present..this was very relaxing and therapeutic for me..it redirected my priorities which gave me an overwhelming sense of joy and admiration..


we also dove further into exploring our vocational discernment with a special visit from reverend janet salyer..who is a spiritual director that specializes in career counseling..by reviewing stacks of paper with information compiled about us we were able to consider where our life would lead us and where we would be most happy..productive..and most importantly how and if that fits in with our calling..

but thinking about the future and where god is calling us is a bit scary because it's mostly unknown and in a world where it is responsible to have a plan for the next five years of your life it's tough to let god do the leading..i had a lot of questions about where my life would lead me after this year and far into the future and i think it takes wide open space..prayer..and patience for me to see bits and pieces of the path i will follow..

"be patient with yourself..be patient with love..be patient with a timeline that is not yours to define.or to know..or to wrangle into place..let go..loosen your grip" meg fee

peace & love

jillian

vantage points

i recently had the pleasure of having two of my close friends from home visiting new orleans.. i was grateful to have people that reminded me of home with me in a place where i have set up a home...

we strolled around the french quarter..listened to the bluesy music of jon cleary..took in all of the festivities at the st. patty's day parade..soaked up some rays at the beach and of course it wouldn't be a new orleans trip without enjoying the delicious restaurants...

all in all it added up to a wonderful weekend..by taking in all the beauty and sunshine with some fresh eyes my love of the city was recharged..sometimes you just need a different vantage point..

"to love..to be loved..to never forget your own significance....to never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of life around you..to seek joy even in the saddest places...to pursue beauty to its lair..to never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple..to respect strength..never power above all...to watch..to try and understand..to never look away..and never..never..to forget" arundhati roy

peace & love

jillian 

time

"your journey has molded you for your greater good..and it was exactly what it needed to be..don't think that you've lost time..it took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now..and the now is right on time" asha tyson

after my birthday has now come and gone i've gotten to pondering about where i was a year ago..as some of you know i had originally applied for a year of service abroad with another organization..after completing countless interviews and essays it was this time last year when i was anxiously waiting..waiting to see where the cards would fall..

obviously i didn't get the response i had been hoping for..even going as far as nearly counting on..i was devasted and at a complete loss with what to do..i had absolutely no plan or direction..in my opinion i had failed miserably..



but i've always thought god does his best work at times like these..when hope seems to have left us...because at church the sunday after my disappointing news i was told about the YAV program..there i found a glimmer of hope..a shed of light..once i got home i dove into research about the program and layed out before me was more than i could have ever asked for..

and that has honestly made all the difference..so there you have it...god really knew what he was doing after all..

peace & love

jillian

the power to build or destroy

"no matter what anybody tells you words and ideas change the world" robin williams

     lately i have been watching countless documentaries..about varying subjects from the dolphin slaughter in japan to our food industry to the darfur genocide...needless to say they haven't been light subjects and i have found that i have a difficult time adjusting back to "reality" after seeing them..witnessing the depth of the suffering that is in our world..it stirred something in me that i couldn't get away from..something i couldn't escape..my mind just kept bringing me back to it..i was frustrated...and i couldn't seem to move forward without reverting back  to what i noticed..in every one of these documentaries..no matter the subject at hand..there was one common disturbing thread...greed..big companies and influential societies..were only focused on getting more and doing whatever they needed to do in order to get more..with no thought to what it might bring to the people they were serving..their focus was not on  compassion..it truly disgusted me..and i was disappointed...disappointed by humanity..i felt like we as a human race continually stray away from what is real and true..and i just felt so small and discouraged.and i was wondering why god had entrusted this world to us..when here we are continually destroying it and those who live in it for our greedy hearts..


these feelings were eating at me...at my soul..and my never ending sunny outlook on people and life in general..it was weighing me down..dragging my feet..i felt useless in working to make this world better..but throughout this i never gave up on the individual...sure humanity itself i had lost hope in...but i could search and find hope in individual relationships where i could not easily see or pick out in the bigger picture of humanity...i was confused where love..compassion..and empathy got lost in it...and why it seemed to be swallowed up by the depravity of our world today..


i found it hard to enjoy the blessings i had...how could i justify being happy and carefree in a world where so many are struggling..how am i supposed to wrap my young mind around that?
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     but through this darkness i could count on my faith..and i knew there was a reason i was having such strong reactions to what i was experiencing...and it was during these darker moments when some light was shed..


one of my roommates recently lent me her donald miller 'your story series' which is a 6 disc collection of speeches miller has given..these gave me new insight on many things...but one that spoke particularly to what i was feeling was in the last disc called 'your story and the cross'  in this disc donald miller was speaking about what it means to live out the cross of christ...through his speech he encouraged the thousand men he was speaking to, to live out the power god has given them to change the world 

he spoke of passivity and even when you don't speak up or do something it actually speaks volumes...god has given us this enormous power and we need to realize we have a choice to build or to destroy..and not doing anything or speaking up is still a choice...and sometimes that speaks louder than anything that could have been spoken

"our passivity..our sitting and doing nothing or our beliefs that we don't have the power to actually hurt people..is hurting people..it's killing some of the people in our lives....and we just have to go..'you know what i have to live in the power of christ"

"the way we have to combat this is we have to reach into ourselves and say i have christ in me i have the power to fix some of this..to help..we are too often like fans of jesus instead of one with jesus"

another thing miller spoke of was the need we have for people in our lives that speak truth to us..that god is using us...that what we say to others matters and what we do to others matters.."and if you don't think you have power..you're crushing people" god uses others to get through to us...to highlight and affirm our strengths..to build us up when we need it... 
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     and after listening to this last disc i immediately connected it to an experience i had at work not long ago...something that has stuck with me since then..so brightly and so clear..i was chatting with a seafarer that i have grown to know throughout the months of working at the center..our conversations have always provided me with new insights on life and faith..and i'm grateful for these conversations...this one in particular he directed questions toward me and my faith..and if you know me well you know that i am much more of a listener than a talker...for  many reasons...but he asked me if i often spoke of my faith and mind..i said no...i tend to enjoy showing my faith through my actions...and he said "you should talk...you need to talk about faith...because you are real..you're faith is genuine and real and more people need to hear about your faith" and throughout this conversation it dawned on me he was one of the only people i've known to see me as i have always wanted to be seen..he saw me so clearly and genuinely i was taken aback.....he saw god in me...my light..he saw past what so many other people get caught up on...and i've not been that grateful for anything in a long while...it was the best thing i could have heard at that moment...i found part of what i was unknowingly seeking..a genuine true conversation..something that was deeper than the superficial layer we all have the tendency to live on..i saw god through him..i saw his light...
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     we need to be more intentional with our lives...we leave imprints on the people we come into contact with...what we buy at the store or watch on the television have an impact on things that go on in the world..what we buy into in society has an impact on people all over the world..there is no denying that..and as americans we hold an even bigger responsibility in how the world is shaped..in it's priorities...in what it values..

we have power be sure of that...it just doesn't always seem so clear..but your words can stick with someone..for the day...for the week...and even forever and sometimes it's what you're unwilling to say..or do...your passivity can stick with someone..as if they weren't worth the words or the action...


and although i am not always entirely convinced i have this power...i know it's true for others...because i know for certain that i have held onto what others have said to me...what they're passivity has told me...the good experiences lift me out of trouble...and their words or actions can easily crush me if i didn't have those good experiences..but i store them in the back of my mind..
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so i choose to feel confident that god is using others' gifts to get through to me..to let me know he still cares for me..loves me more than i can ever comprehend..and he does the same through me and my gifts..that's why it's so important for us to be aware of them and use them genuinely since they can easily alter someones day..week..and even life..

we have the choice to build or destroy

peace & love

jillian

a walk down memory lane

i have a new orleans box...this box was made for me as a going away present from my friend kate..to say it comes in handy would be an understatement..i toss in some type of article every few days..a card..a letter..a postcard from anyone (which always brightens my day)usually ends up in this little box..any little trinket or neat sign..business card..picture..or program i've collected over these past few months can be found there..


the other day i was feeling a little sentimental and decided to rummage through it..and it was much like looking back through all of the wonderful experiences i had so far...some that i regretfully had forgotten about...

there is liturgy from the annual peace gathering where i had the honor of meeting sister helen prejean..i found several museum tickets..colorful art from the kiddos i tutor..my book cover of nine lives which brought back memories of talking with the author dan baum..pictures and name tags from our community days that included planting trees with bayou rebirth and clearing lots with hands on new orleans along with agape meal fellowship devotions that reflected on the days highs and lows...a program from caroling in jackson square..different cards and coins from the joan of arc parade in the french quarter..while discovering all of these things again i felt very blessed...blessed that i live in such a lively city..blessed that i have had the opportunity to serve here..

along with all of these reminders were letters and cards from my friends and family..they warmed my heart all over again reading through them..and once more i felt so blessed...blessed that i have such loving and thoughtful people in my life..that encourage me and keep me in their thoughts and prayers..

"sometimes it hits me..how magnificent life really is..all the little details all the little features..like the dust..gracefully floating of from old books..like the little fibers in your favorite sweater..like the way paint sits upon a white canvas..like the broken lines and creases on your hands like the warmth of a hot cup of cocoa..or like the path a tear takes..slowly dripping..when you begin to see small details like these..you'll begin to appreciate life more..this world is waiting for you..whispering for you too..'fall in love with me..fall in love with life" 

peace & love 
jillian