back to the sunshine

"you get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place..like you'll not only miss the people you love..but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place..because you'll never be this way ever again" azar nafisi

i've been back in NOLA (and soaking up the sunshine) for well over a week now..and it is as if i never left...as if my christmas break at home was merely a dream..it's hard for me to grasp this in many ways..i had the pleasure of spending time with a lot of  my family and friends..got back in the saddle (finally)..enjoyed some delicious home cooked meals (thanks mom)..had a chance to see some snow (brr)..got a much needed haircut (i am a repunzle no longer)..and brought in the new year with some of my favorite people..all in all it was a wonderful trip...

                     

however..i found it hard to adjust being home at first..i wasn't sure if i had changed in some ways that made it difficult for me to comfortably slide back into my life before new orleans..and when i got down to it..i don't really know if i wanted it to be an easy transition..see i specifically remember before i left for my yav year that i was in many ways nervous about change...not necessarily change in my enviornment or what i would encounter here but what this year would change in me...i knew for certain i wanted to grow as a person and in my faith..but what if that meant i did so much that i didn't recognize my "previous life" when i returned? and on the other end of things i was also nervous if i wasn't changed by this experience...contradictory? yes..and that left me trying to balance it all..

but that balancing act is tiring and after much deliberation and analyzing my trip home i am a bit tired of all that type of thinking so i am hoping to just embrace all that is happening..good and bad..put more trust into god and what he is doing with my life..

"our relationship with jesus is messy..intimate..and beautiful all at the same time..often he takes us on these dangerous adventures just to strip everything else away but himself..from there he'll show us that he is writing a bigger and far more beautiful story than we could have ever imagined" paige armstrong

peace & love

jillian

home

with all of this warm weather it's been hard to wrap my head around the fact that christmas is just around the corner..one thing that definitely brought me some christmas cheer was caroling in jackson square..a tradition that has been going on for many years in new orleans..a few of my roommates and i joined about 8,000 other carolers on a chillier night than most and enjoyed the candlelight and christmas tunes..

caroling in jackson square-angels we have heard on high

and as i cross things off on my packing list (this is my must have for any trip) i am considering many things...how nice it will be to be home, back in pa with that wintery wind in my face..spending time with my family and friends...it'll be comforting to be back at my church and to experience the beautiful christmas decorations..and to embrace all that is home....but i will miss many things..this lively city and all the uniqueness that comes with it..the russle of the leaves that are still on the trees..although it will be nice to have time to relax i will miss my work and those who i serve...last but certainly not least i will miss my roommates who often provide me with laughter and inspiration..

"home is wherever we are..if there is love there too"

jack johnson

peace & love
jillian

trusting

i've been feeling a bit lost lately...like i'm floating around waiting for the wind to blow me in the right direction..searching for...something from god..or maybe meaning for this occasional disorientation...  

and for a person that tends to enjoy having some kind of plan in mind..at least to adhere to..tweak..or even to revamp entirely.. it has made me feel uneasy.. and to be honest i often find myself in this position more often than i would like to admit...i'll have these wonderful meaningful beautiful blissful days..(and have had more serving in this city than ever before)..and then all of a sudden..out of the blue it's as if i wandered into some heavy fog..thrown off balance and questioning things i thought i was so certain of

maybe it's a way for god to remind me who is truly in control when i feel like i know exactly what i'm doing and where i'm going (notice all of those i statements)..and although i completely hate when this happen i always end up with a clearer view...after i've taken a while to let god show me what is in store for me and my life..he has a detailed picture of something so spectacular for all of us that it's a shame that i often struggle to follow his guidance opposed to the flawed sketch i make for myself..

"count your blessings..once you realize how valuable you are..and how much you have going for you..the smiles will return..the sun will break out..the music will play..and you will finally be able to move forward with the life that god intended for you with grace..strength..courage..and confidence" og mandino

peace & love,

jillian

updates

"grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled..as to console...to be understood..as to understand...to be loved..as to love" saint francis

just to update all of you on a few things

if you're interested in making a contribution to my ministry this year the address has changed..please send to..
   Kathy Lee (YAV Program)
   Presbytery of South Louisiana
   4505 S. Claiborne Ave.
   New Orleans, LA 70125
(please put my name in the memo line)

also if your in the mood to read some of my favorite quotes and catch a glimpse of this beautiful city...here is my tumblr account..... http://musingsbyjem.tumblr.com/ 

peace & love

jillian

things i'm loving right now

the zoo...where the kiddos and i explored a few days ago...the audubon zoo had me at hello when i heard there were sea lions (my absolute favorite without a doubt)..

satsumas..they're quickly becoming my new favorite fruit (in case you never had the chance of tasting these delicious things..it's kind of a cross between a tangerine and a clementine) one word...yum!

my new tutoring challenge....which involves ACT prep with one of the seniors that attends the church where i'm working

the bean gallery..a coffee shop that is quickly winning my heart with their perfectly blended frozen mocha coffees and outdoor seating..(which is also the back drop for my ACT prep tutoring sessions)

a spur of the moment visit...from a dear friend

my hammock..where i take the best naps (usually accidental ones)..have the best thoughts..and enjoy the best trees

"after all the ups and downs and shuffling around..i have found my home away from home..and i couldn't be more happy..excited..inspired..thankful..blessed"

peace & love

jillian

clarity

"all journeys have secret destinations of which the travelor is unaware"

a little bit ago my roommates and i packed up our things and headed to austin, texas for our fall retreat..we stayed at austin presbyterian theological seminary and were joined by the san antonio yavs and americorps volunteers living in austin this year...those few days brought many things.. fun.. laughter.. clarity..and bliss..

exploring the capital building and the city itself was one of my favorite things along with looking down on lake austin and experiencing the austin powwow..

i enjoyed the atmosphere austin had to offer and felt rejuvenated when the weekend drew to a close..it reassured me that i was in the right place this year..

all in all it was exactly what i needed..even though i didn't know it quite then..and that's kind of what god does..stays a few steps ahead of you..and all i have to remember to do is trust..

peace & love

jillian

chit chats

the past few weeks i've noticed that it all comes down to the interactions we have with one another..people often can surprise you and usually have something wonderful hiding up their sleeve...now anyone that has stayed in new orleans for more than a day or two has discovered that new orleanians love talking and sharing stories..and these past couple of weeks have lead to some amazing ones..

the children i tutor always have a way of brightening my day..their curiosity often leads to chatting about those simple joys in life that we tend to overlook...and how i've forgotten how undeniably wonderful it is to read a story with someone.. 

                     

i've been able to establish more relationships with the seafarers..those conversations always broaden my horizons..i am constantly learning new and interesting things about their culture and how it has had an impact on their view on life and their faith..and more times than not it reminds me how thankful i am to have my loved ones just a phone call away..

a few weekends ago a couple of my roommates and i enjoyed live music and delicious food at the crescent city blues and bbq festival..while enjoying the gorgeous weather (yes i'm still wearing short sleeved shirts and flip flops) and the lovely tunes we stumbled upon some amazing art..one artist in particular, Holly E. Sarre, spoke with us until it was time to shut down..giving us the inside scoop on mardi gras, restuarants to check out, and some good advice on life..

at the end of that night we were all sitting down on the lawn soaking up our contentment in the city when a man was pushed up to us in his wheelchair..he asked if he could free style a poem for us..saying we were pleasantly surprised is an understatement..he came up with the most moving poem i've had the pleasure of hearing..it was all about three queens that wanted to explore the world for a bit..the part that stayed with me the most was when he said "i just want you to know you're beautiful and full of light" the entire poem brought tears to our eyes..after he was finished he simply wished us a beautiful night and left...it surely was a night i will not soon forget..

"maybe it's all utterly meaningless..maybe it's all utterably meaningful..if you want to know which..pay attention to what it means to be truly human in a world that half the time we're in love with and half the time scares the hell out of us..any fiction that helps us pay attention to that is religious fiction..the unexpected sound of your name on somebody's lips.the good dream..the strange coincidence..the moment that brings tears to your eyes..the person who brings life to your life..even the smallest events hold the greatest clues" frederick buechner

peace & love

jillian